When TV Becomes Reality

First things first, you need to know I’m admittedly addicted to reality TV.  Seriously, Real Housewives is my crack.  So, when I have to pinpoint my first introduction to infertility and IVF (In Vitro Fertilization), it’d have to be “Giuliana and Bill,” a reality TV show that ran for seven seasons featuring the real-life fertility struggles of Giuliana Rancic, most popularly known as a former E! News host and her entrepreneur husband, Bill.  If you don’t know them, then get to know them (you’d think I actually know them)!  I can vividly remember thinking I hope Mike and I are like them someday, minus the whole can’t have our own biological baby thing.  They’re truly one of the most strong, connected couples I’ve ever seen.  I know what you’re thinking-here goes this reality show junkie believing what she sees on TV-but honestly Giuliana and Bill have a connection that not even the producers of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” could edit to fake.  The show documented the pair through multiple failed IVF attempts, surrogates, etc.  You name it, they faced it in the world of infertility, but I watched in admiration as they took everything in stride.  Their positivity and encouragement for one another made them a powerhouse team against this evil enemy and helped them endure each play as they finally made it to game day.

Fast-forward a couple years or so to our game day.  Anyone who knows us, knows that I don’t mean an actual game.  We are not a sports fan household by any means.  I mean full on set the alarm on your fertility calendar, get a smiley face on the ovulation stick, wham-bam, throw your legs up, baby-making game day, straight out of a scene from the movie, What to Expect When You’re Expecting .  Afterall it was time.  We had done everything right and it was all part of the plan.  We had been married almost four years, owned our own home, lived it up, established ourselves in our careers.  All we needed was our very own baby.

I was fortunate enough to have been still seeing the midwife, who actually delivered me, as my OBGYN, so she was very familiar with my background and my unpredictable menstrual cycles.  My family history was significant, as my sister (the third child of four) had developed normally for five and half months and one night had a seizure out of the blue.  She never walked or talked and wasn’t expected to live past age three, but eventually passed at age 12, when I was a freshman in high school (There will be much more on her and her impact on my life and fertility journey in future posts).  While a genetic component was ruled out, my OB sent me for pre-genetic screenings prior to even starting to try-to-conceive (TTC) just to err on the side of caution.  In addition, she started sending me for blood work during my cycles to see if I was ovulating on my own or not.  Come to find out one month I did, one month I didn’t.  So being that she was so proactive (Thanks be to God!!!) she immediately put me on a low dose of Clomid in June 2012.  I looked it up, read some posts-it was almost always effective and worked within a few months.  Some friends guided me on different methods (sex every other day during fertility window, sex every day during fertility window, sex only during your fertile window).

That’s when it started-I was consumed.  Having a baby overtook my mind. Our outside pool and patio used to be affectionately called Rehab New Haven, after the infamous Rehab Pool Party at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas.  That summer it was shutdown.  Our wet bar became a dry bar.  I wasn’t going to let anything possibly interfere with the Clomid because I was getting knocked up that summer, so I would have the baby in the spring to coordinate with my maternity flowing into summer.  That way I wouldn’t have to leave the baby until 6 months or so.  Instead of grabbing that ice cold Twisted Tea that I’d normally go for, I grabbed my phone and… googled.  “How long after taking Clomid did you get pregnant?”  Negative pregnancy test for June.  No biggie-it was just the first month.  “Symptoms of pregnancy after taking Clomid.”  Not pregnant on the stick again in July.  Hmmmm, that’s strange because I had a cold sore and I read that a woman got a cold sore all three times before she found out she was pregnant.  “When should you increase dosage of Clomid?”  Still ovulating on the medication in August, but no positive test.  Only wicked cramps and heavy flow with intermittent, mild headaches and hot flashes.  Come September, full on emotional breakdown in the bathroom during my friend’s baby shower as Aunt Flo reared her ugly head again.  You catch my drift.  While Google may be arguably the best invention ever made, it is the worst when you’re attempting to self-diagnose and not even google could give me the information I needed to get pregnant.

At that point, after 4 months on Clomid, my OB said it was time to take a break and look at my husband before going any further with me.  My husband?  He just turned 30. We are so young-nothing’s wrong with him, but sure let’s just get this over with so we can just figure out the problem.  After all, now this timeline is screwing up my plan.

I failed to mention earlier, that while my husband was down for baby-making game day (I mean what guy isn’t?!), his eye wasn’t exactly on the prize like mine was.  But he begrudgingly agreed to do his thing in the cup, which might I add is the most awkward thing ever.  I mean there’s an app for everything.  Can’t someone come up with an easier way to do this?! Eventually (and by eventually I mean after one cancelled appointment) he did the deed, I wrapped it up in the brown paper bag, nestled it under my armpit, and rushed all the way there to drop it off, all to hear…”You’ll get the results after the weekend.”

Not to spoil the ending, but just like G & B we end up with our very own sweet miracle.  It turns out fairy tales don’t just come true on TV or reality TV.  Here’s a sneak peek of what’s to come…

Our Dream Baby
Our Dream Baby

{Photo Cred: Maler Photography}


10 thoughts on “When TV Becomes Reality”

  1. Morgan,
    My name is steph, my fiancé Kyle is friends with Mike (I am sure you have heard all about him via mike). This blog is awesome, touching and amazing. Can not wait to read more and also meet you in person some day. Thank you for sharing this Story. Ps little Mike is a beautiful baby (I am always looking at his photos).

  2. Ohhh my goodness Morgan!! What an amazing story!! I cried just reading that, you certainly got blessed with a little perfect prince.

  3. Miracles do come true,never give up hope. Our angel baby was born in September. Thanks for the baby dust Morg.
    Love ya , Andrea

  4. Great job momma! You will help so many couples who are struggling to conceive. I only wish I had this blog during my 4 year agony.

    Love you, Kristin


  5. Morgan I commend your bravery, transparency and raw emotion. This piece is so eloquently written. Thank you for sharing. What an example of strength and love.

  6. I can’t wait to read more! My husband and I traveled down a very similar path and we too were blessed in the end with our little prince too <3

  7. WOW! This hit home! We went through the same thing. Clomid, blood work, test after test. My husband had to do his thing. We looked at each other like is this really happening to us. It go to the point where the other Dr.’s in the group said they were giving up on our case. Our Dr. said I am going in full throttle and upping the dose of all the meds. It worked we were blessed with our own miracle of twins! After going through all that I just wish my husband was here to enjoy them and watch them grow. All our hard work and he passed away when they were 13 months.
    Anyone going on the IVF journey it is all worth it in the end. The outcome is a “miracle”

  8. It’s always heartwarming to read/ hear that you’re not alone on this journey! Thanks to IVF & donor eggs, we’re expecting our miracle twins in September 🙂 I’ll be sure to follow your journey <3

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