#startasking

imageI am thrilled to be part of Miss.Conceptioncoach’s Bloggers Unite Conference this year in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week and humbled to have been included with such an esteemed group of women. This year’s theme is #startasking and I cannot think of a better theme for me, personally, since this was basically the springboard for my blog, On Prayers & Needles.

During my journey, I couldn’t help but #startasking how, when 1 in every 8 couples struggles with infertility, are there not more local support groups available? I would go to my OBGYN, our fertility doctor, my husband’s urologist, the chiropractor & acupuncturists’ offices and there would be corkboards overflowing with every type of group you could name. Yet, the only one I needed in that moment wasn’t there.

Instead, I would spend countless hours glued to my cell phone or laptop on BabyCentre, What To Expect Before Your Expecting, etc., etc. group boards waiting for any type of a response to the questions I had. Did anyone have success with Tese for Azoospermia? How many months did you take Clomid before becoming pregnant? Did you take birth control pills as part of your IVF protocol? Are these follicle numbers and measurements decent? I’d wait, to hear from someone I knew only by screen name and not face, someone who lived in another country, to answer. I’d wait there praying that I’d get some glimpse of hope that they had been where I was and everything worked out. And while I appreciated any and all of the support I could get across the Internet and anywhere else, I yearned for a “safe place” ~a place where I could sit with women who were or had been in my shoes and we could discuss all of these things face-to-face over coffee at a local Starbucks. It was then that I promised myself, if I were ever to receive my miracle, I would basically Pay-It-Forward by starting a local support group. That is when this blog was basically conceived (no pun intended).

Fast-forward to just about two-months ago when I finally revved up the courage to launch On Prayers and Needles and share my story…

Slowly, I began to hear the stories of others whom I may or may not have known had difficulty getting pregnant and it felt very liberating for all of us to exchange our experiences. Then I even started to receive intermittent questions from readers asking for more information about meds, doctors, recommendations for a successful IFV cycle. However, none of these women (rightfully so) were interested in participating in a local support group, which led me to #startasking a bigger question: How, when 1 in every 8 couples is infertile, is there still such a stigma and sense of shame in not being able to conceive naturally?

For anyone who has been following (thank you) and those of you just tuning in (thank you, also), I’m sure it is pretty evident that I am an open-book. During our journey there was never a time when I didn’t feel comfortable saying that we were struggling with infertility. You might think that is because it was more of my husband’s “problem”, but I also had my own “issues”. It’s just I came at it from a different perspective, which was basically if it’s broke, fix it. If your hip gives out, you replace it. If you have an infection, you take an antibiotic. If you can’t produce sperm, you find a way to. Clearly, there is no shame in our game and of course, I’m making light of all of these situations. They’re not all that easily resolved. But my mentality was and is, just like anything else in life, if it isn’t working, you fix it (failing marriage, dead-end job). And regardless of what anyone’s picture-perfect life appears to be on Instagram, believe me, there’s something they need or have had to “fix”.

While I completely respect anyone’s choice to keep their infertility private, I also find it important to #startasking why? Are you any less deserving of a baby than someone who could conceive without interventions? In a day in age when science is revolutionary, why wouldn’t you use the advancements provided to start or complete your family? Even when religion is a factor, doesn’t your God want you to be a mom? Don’t you think that someday, if you choose, to explain to your child “how they were made” that they’ll realize how much you loved and wanted him or her even before they were born? If someone in your life was struggling with something, wouldn’t you want them to open up so you could be there for them?

One of the most touching responses I’ve received since initiating the blog, was an e-mail from someone who hadn’t shared her story with anyone outside of her immediate circle. She felt inspired, after reading and relating to mine, to share her own with me. I read it, tears streaming down my face, hoping that she could see the beauty in her story that I did. While that wasn’t the initial intent of the blog, in that moment, I realized that it had served its purpose in a different way.

The more we open up and #startasking ourselves and others these tough questions, the more people will become aware of infertility and all it entails. Once more and more people #startasking, the dialogue can begin so that we (both those who have and have not encountered infertility) can better support one another. I shared my story to get the conversation going, so now I must #startasking, will you?

3 thoughts on “#startasking”

  1. I love this & couldn’t agree more! I would think that more people would find comfort in the fact of knowing that they are not alone! I think it’s great that you are trying to provide people a safe place to share their struggles as well! Xo

  2. Wow! Your blog is amazing! I love the fact that you are an open book and that you want others to start asking so that we can increase awareness.

    I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Sue and I am co-authoring a book with a number of my friends whom I met years ago through the RESOLVE National Infertility Assn. of Greater San Diego. Our book is close to being released on e-readers and is entitled, “Ten Journeys of Hope.” Our tag line is “Conceived from Infertility.” There are ten of us who have each found a different path to resolution. We have covered the gambit: donor egg, surrogacy, frozen embryo transfer, PSOD, multiple miscarriage, IVF, GIFT, ZIFT, ICSI, unexplained infertility, adoption, child free living, multiples born after infertility treatment, fraternal twins born to two separate mothers twelve years apart. We each have written our own chapters for our book. In addition, we have one person who wrote from the guy’s perspective. Collectively we have endured nearly 100 years of infertility treatments and we have remained the best of friends over the years, because no one “gets it” like those who have walked in a pair of “infertility shoes”. We have always vowed to write a book and work to do more to support the people who are in the throws of infertility treatment. We have even designed a wristband to go with our book and “JOURNEY OF HOPE” is embossed on the bands, which match our book jacket. We are close to fulfilling our goal and completing our book, which should be in print this fall. I was wondering if you or some of your fellow bloggers would be interested in knowing about our book and/or helping us get the word out. We plan to donate 10% of our profits from the books and the wristbands back to RESOLVE National Infertility Support Group or Infertility research.

    You are clearly a well-followed blogger and I thought you wouldn’t mind helping a fellow infertile sister who is trying to provide more awareness and hope for those who are struggling.

    Thanks in advance for anything you can offer me.

    Sue Johnston
    Email: silversue@me.com

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