Last week, I was reading Dr. Seuss’s “Oh The Places You’ll Go” for the umpteenth time when it came to me. As I read the words, “…headed, I fear, towards a most useless place. The Waiting Place…” I couldn’t help but think of all the waiting involved in infertility. For me, the chronic waiting, was one of, if not the hardest part of our battle with infertility.
Waiting for a doctor’s appointment. Waiting for bloodwork results. Waiting for AF to come and waiting for AF to stop coming. Waiting for positive OPK’s and then waiting for Big Fat Positives (BFP’s). Waiting for answers. Waiting for insurance approvals and waiting for meds to arrive. Waiting to start your first injection and waiting for your first monitoring appointment. Waiting for meds to work. Waiting for good news, bad news, any news. Waiting to trigger and waiting for retrieval day. Waiting for an embie update. Waiting for transfer day and implantation. Waiting for Beta Day after the most dreadful wait…dun dun dun…the two week wait (TWW).
It’s hard to do anything or think of anything else when you’re in the waiting place. It’s like being in limbo, unsure of your fate. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again~ if it were guaranteed that after all the waiting, you’d receive your greatest gift, then it wouldn’t be so bad. However, unfortunately, that’s not how it often works. Sometimes there’s more waiting.
Waiting for the go-ahead to start another cycle. Waiting to save more money. Waiting to hear a heartbeat that may or may not come. Waiting to make it to the safe zone or waiting to get your rainbow baby.
It can be a most useless place for sure. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t get sucked into the uselessness of The Waiting Place. Unfortunately, when you have nothing left to do but wait, your mind doesn’t stop. You replay scenario after scenario~the good, the bad, the ugly. You read, Google, cry, Google and have a hard time thinking of anything else when you’re in The Waiting Place. All that can wear you down and cause you to fall in a slump…and “un-slumping yourself is not easily done.”
It wasn’t until our TWW when I finally realized that this could be my final Waiting Place and that it didn’t always need to be a useless place. My husband and I made a pact to avoid googling and not take a single pregnancy test before Beta. It wasn’t an easy feat by any means, but I’d recommend it to any of you in or approaching your TWW. It wasn’t until then that I realized the waiting period could actually be used in a productive way too.
Afterall, it is also in the waiting place that you’re getting one step closer. It’s a time to reflect and a time to breathe again. It can be a time to try new things and cross some items off your bucket list. It can be a time to reconnect and refocus on what matters most. It’s a time that will eventually shape you into the parent you’ll become because during that waiting you’ll learn a lot. You’ll learn about patience and perseverance which will make you a better mother. You’ll learn about yourself and your partner and most of all, life. Because life is not always easy and “bang-ups and hang-ups will happen to you.”
So try as much as you can to make The Waiting Place as useful as possible. When you’re finding that difficult, as you often will, look here for support and always remember:
“Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying, You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.”
Once you survive The Waiting Place that is infertility…
“Kid, you’ll move mountains.”