Tag Archives: fertility doctor

Lefty or Righty

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Pic via seltzergoods.com

With infertility sometimes you don’t know what direction you’re going in and/or you’re being pulled in a million different directions. You don’t know which way to turn, left or right.

Lately, I’ve been connecting with so many women on social media who are courageous enough to share their infertility. Sometimes reading these makes me feel guilty because so many journeys are longer and harder than ours. That’s when I had an “aha” moment about our particular story and began to look at it through a different lense.

Now stick with me, but I’m visualizing a successful pregnancy/IVF/IUI as the middle ground. To the left is the journey to get there and to the right is the point past the initial positive test result or completion of IVF or IUI.

For all of us, the IUI or IVF is relatively the same-a conglomerate of injections, bloodwork, procedures, monitoring, doctors appointments, and waiting. Some might get more side effects. Some might suffer from Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHHS). Your trigger shot or protocol may differ.  Yet, they all remotely resemble one another.

Our struggles, however, tend to vary greatly. Even if two women are suffering from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) their journeys could look drastically different. Many of us infertility warriors struggle with infertility to the “left” or before we get to the point of IUI/IVF/conceiving some way; while others find their difficulty after, either with failed cycles, chemical pregnancies, miscarriages, etc.

In our case, obviously, the bulk of our infertility fight took place to the left.  Us “lefties” might have to endure months, even years, of struggle to get to the point where IUI and IVF are even a possibility.  For example, my husband needed to remain on medication for almost two years before IVF was in the cards and, even then [right up to his TESE procedure and my egg retrieval] we didn’t know if we’d make it to the point of having viable sperm for fertilization.  Our extreme highs and extreme lows came before the initial BFP.  The waiting and longing, tears and angst occurred prior to our IVF cycle.   However the culmination of our struggle was the point in which our little Mikie “stuck” and , thanks be to God, stayed.  The IVF and entire pregnancy were smooth sailing for us and as some might say, we were finally on the other side of infertility.

“Righties” have a different experience.  They might get diagnosed with infertility and move forward with an IUI or IVF cycle within a couple of months.  It all might seem like a blink of the eye, and before they know it they are Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise [PUPO].  That is, until the otherwise comes.  Maybe the cycle failed.  Maybe their beta confirms a positive pregnancy, but there’s no heartbeat at the 6 or 8-week ultrasound.  Maybe this keeps happening time after time after time.  Just like “lefties”, it’s not the injections and procedures that are the most painful for “righties”. It’s the roller coaster of emotions that’s associated with the ecstasy of hearing “You’re pregnant,” only to hear “I’m sorry for your loss.”

As a “lefty”, I cannot fathom the heartache that failed cycles and miscarriages must incur.  It makes me feel so fortunate, and almost embarrassed in some respect, to ‘wallow’ in my struggle.

What I’m trying to get to is the realization that infertility is not a battle.  Whatever your story is, first time success or multiple failed attempts, months or years, “lefty” or “righty” is really irregardless.  Infertility is a struggle and the struggle is real.

While all of our circumstances and experiences differ, “lefties” and “righties” are still one in the same.  We all cringe at the thought of hearing another pregnancy announcement.  We all “trick” ourselves into believing we’re pregnant, even when it’s nearly impossible.  We all yearn to rest a newborn on our chest and hear a little voice coo “Mama” for the first time.  We all could write a book on trying to conceive and could pass a phlebotomist test with flying colors.  We all cry and we all pick ourselves back up, with a little help along the way.  We all have the same common goal: to carry, love, and raise a child of our own.

When 3 Become 1 and 1 Makes 3


Sounds like some mathematics problem, eh? Math is not my thang by any means, but when it came to fertility, probability mattered. By the point of transfer, I think we were both in so much shock that we actually made it that far, that the thought of three embryos didn’t even phase us. To boot, Dr. Lavy and his staff had gotten us that far that we weren’t going to doubt his recommendations then…or ever.

Recently, I have seen a lot of posts regarding transferring one or two embryos and I have received some outreach on the matter as well. The truth is it all comes down to numberscircumstancenumbers~ well I guess both.  In the end your circumstance relates to your numbers, right?  If you have 11 frosties (frozen embryo babies)  then chances are your doctor is going to suggest transferring one.  If you’re on your third round of IVF, with only a handful of embryos left to spare, they’ll probably recommend using two.  If you’re us, everyone’s so dumbfounded how you even have embryos they say screw it, transfer them all.  Just kidding…sort of.  I mean our circumstances and our numbers were grim.  At the day of transfer we had 3 embryos quality enough to use.  Basically there was nothing left and it was a miracle in and of itself that we had gotten the two handfuls or so of sperm to even attempt IVF with ICSI at all.  Moreso, we were open, maybe even hopeful, to the idea of having twins.

While I had envisioned transferring 2 embryos on a day 5 transfer, that was not the case.  See, I couldn’t help myself.  I was still planning it all out.  Getting the call that we would be doing a day 3 transfer threw me off more than the idea of transferring three embryos.  Strange, right?  But as the doctor sat in front of us, scribbling as he usually did, he flat out said, “You won’t be having triplets.”  He knew our circumstances.  His recommendation was transferring three to get two or even just that “one”-it was the best probability.

That “one”.  If only you could see him morning, noon, and night like I do.  He is something special.  My husband has recently been joking that he thinks the doctor added a little something to the embryo because being this cute and perfect couldn’t possibly be from just us.  He amazes me each day as he combines words and “talks” about things we did the days before.  He’s loving and affectionate, wild and sassy all- in-one.  As his second birthday approaches, he’s a combination of that little infant that relied on me for everything and this autonomy-aspiring, mini spitfire who says “No, mommy” when I try to help him from tipping over the cereal bowl.  He’s our “one” that was chosen just for us to protect, teach, raise, and adore.  He’s the “one” who made us a family.

So as we dabble with the notion of turning 3 into 4, I get a lot of questions about if we try for another, will we have to do IVF again.  Yes, we most certainly will and more likely than not my husband will have to have the TESE surgery again as well.  We are not that infertile couple that had to do IVF the first time and then, as fate should have it, wound up pregnant naturally the second time.  I sometimes envision it, but then am reminded of the circumstance.  What’s the probability of getting this lucky twice?!

Name or Number

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I’ve touched on it but I don’t think I’ve done due diligence in singing the praises of our fertility group. Despite Connecticut being small in size, there are quite a few options for infertility clinics; New England Fertility just happened to be the perfect fit for us.

Coming to that decision was rather easy. After my OB gave me the initial news of our diagnosis, she offered two options that she’d refer us to. One of which is our local hospital clinic and the other being Dr. Gad Lavy of New England Fertility.

While both were statistically as effective, it came down to whether we wanted to be a name or number. Private practice offers that luxury of a more intimate and personalized experience, much like shopping local~and we all know we are big proponents of shopping small in this house 😜💎. I just know for us, especially given my husband’s anxiety at that point, opting for private was a no-brainer. Then after meeting Dr. Lavy and his staff at our initial consultation it was only further substantiated.

Obviously, I can only speak to our experience for opting to go private and have nothing to compare it to. We never felt like cattle being schlepped along this path, but rather always felt like everyone’s main concern at any given time was Mike and Morgan. Whether it was scheduling our next appointment, getting bloodwork taken, or undergoing a procedure, we were always met with a welcoming smile. Dr. Lavy and the two nurses we worked with primarily, Jen and Susan, were professional, but also down-to-earth. We never felt uneasy about asking questions or for any clarification. Afterall, it felt like we were going in a million different directions, so naturally we’d think of things afterwards. I always felt free to pick up the phone to ask the nurses anything. They seemed vested in their jobs, but they also truly seemed vested in our best interest. Getting us our baby was a united goal.

Specifically, when it came to the whole IVF process, Dr. Lavy and the NEF staff were beyond compare.  I know it’s easy to say in hindsight because our first attempt was successful, but truthfully I was never scared of the process itself because I knew I was in good hands.  The nurses were phenomenal during monitoring appointments to explain the follicles and what they were looking for.  I always felt reassured leaving those appointments and loved their emphasis on “quality over quantity” {especially when you hear of so many cycles being cancelled due to Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)}.  They also offered a patient portal in which the results were inputed promptly.  I found it helpful to have that information right at my fingertips rather than having to log it myself for my own records.

At the point of retrieval and transfer, Dr. Lavy was amazing.  He has a great cool-as-a-cucumber persona that puts you at ease, as a patient, and his bedside manner is top-notch. Therefore when Dr. Lavy recommended a day 3 transfer of three embryos, we barely flinched because we had full faith in his judgement.  The embryo transfer was such a special and intimate moment and I felt like Dr. Lavy recognized and respected that experience.  The environment, the aura, everything about that day just seemed magical to me.

There came a point when we were seeing Dr. Lavy and his staff more frequently than our closest family and friends.  There also came a point when we became more than a name to one another and more like family.  Time goes by so fast and we’re all so caught up in the craziness of our day-to-day lives, but just like with real family, there’s an unspoken bond and gratitude that we have for our fertility family.  To everyone at NEF, we are forever indebted to you all and to anyone in need of a fertility specialist, here is their name & number 😏!

http://m.nefertility.com